What my retirement looks like

Posted: July 29, 2013 in Aging, Crossfit Lifestyle, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Powerball was up to about $199 gazillion last Saturday. Whenever it gets into the gazillions, I start plotting the end of my old life and the beginning of my new, less-wrinkled, more rested life.

I sneak into the office late at night, clear out all my crap, get a big, black Sharpie and write SAYONARA on an 8″ x 11″ piece of white paper, tape it to my computer screen and walk the hell out. 1957-sayonara-german-movie-poster-detail

I have a problem with “work.” Not the kind of work we do with barbells, boxes, jump-ropes and torture devices such as the Airdyne.

I’m talking about “work” – the “work” you do to pay your mortgage and put your kid through college. That 40-hour-a-week thing that turns out to be more like 50-hours-a-week. I wouldn’t mind it so much if we could just move those “work” hours to another part of the day – like the part when I’m asleep. Then I could sleep-work!

“Work” always get the best time of the day. That 10 hours smack in the middle, when you have a lot of energy. Which means that you have to fit your WOD in between the sleeping part and the “work” part. Of course you also have to fit the laundry, grocery shopping, yard work, vacuuming, errands and doctor appointments in the that time, too.

I’ve been doing “work” for 32-years full-time. I took six weeks off to have a baby, eight weeks to have a nervous breakdown but other than that, it’s just been those 2-week vacations here and there. Don’t get me wrong. I really love my “work.”

I’m a journalist and have been blessed to have covered some of the biggest news stories of our time. I love what I do. I still love what I do. But it gets somewhat relentless after a few decades and it’s now getting in the way of my training.

I wouldn’t say this to anyone at “work” because they already think I am, how shall we say, a bubble off plumb. They’ve already endured my triathlon phase. My marathon phase. My drinking phase. They’ve heard me interrogate – I mean interview – belligerent politicians, arrogant lawyers and run-of-the-mill lying bastards. They have been through enough.

So, I try not to talk Crossfit at work. Still, it’s pretty obvious that I’m obsessed with something. My shoulders have gotten so big I look like I just walked out of the 1980’s wearing a Annie Hall blazer with shoulder pads. (What the hell were we thinking back then? Shoulder pads?)

People who know me say I’ll never retire – that I would be miserable if I did “work.” I’m like, WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!? Are you kidding me? I’d be great at not “working!”

I always give 110 percent to whatever I’m doing and I would be more than happy to give 110 percent to not “working.” Sheesh.

Which brings me back to last Saturday’s Powerball.

Let’s pretend I win. Here’s what my life looks like: I would get up in the morning when my body – not an alarm clock – tells me to get up.iStock_000008772105XSmall

I now have a Paleo meal delivery service so I eat my paleo breakfast. Then, I go to the box and work out for as long as I want. I come home, take a shower, eat my paleo lunch and take a big, long nap with my dog. I get up and go shopping at LuLuLemon – just because I can.

I put on my new Lululemon gear and go back to the box to work on my frickin’ double-unders. (I would also give my coach a big, huge bonus for not chuckling when he tells me to do 20 unbroken dubs and I miss at 18.)

I take a shower, get a massage and then order carry out – a big juicy, medium rare filet mignon – from Morton’s. (I might even have a couple delivered to my coach for not chuckling when he tells me to do 20 unbroken dubs and I miss at 18.)

I go to sleep, dream that I do 100 dubs unbroken and then chuckle in my coach’s face. I wake up and do it all over again. Who says I cannot not “work?”

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